My office is full of weaklings. They are individuals who are afraid of running a quick hundred-mile marathon. They are people who can not last a measly fifteen rounds into the ring with a grizzly bear. These are individuals who can't catch a bullet within their teeth, karate-chop their way through a brick wall or even kill a person with a plastic spork.
That's right. My office is filled with tea drinkers. They come in using their lemon-rosemary (an unholy combination if ever there was one) scented cups of heated water and take a couple of sips once in awhile, exclaiming how soothing or soft the flavor is and exactly how it certainly “takes the edge” off that hectic day if the phone rings twice.
I come in with my large mug of steaming black java and down it before they have had time to stir within their two Sweet N’ Lows and four drops of non-dairy whole bean fat-free flavor filtered soy milk. I have to the office around 8:30 AM and I also'm willing to take regarding the world by 8:33 AM as they're still dunking their little soggy bags of leaves, moving their heads up and down in rhythm using their arms therefore the whole office appears like a Texas oil field.
And before We have the Celestial Seasonings Secret Police kick down my door due to their sandals made of hemp, I need to publically admit that We have indeed tried tea several times and every time I wonder why on earth i did so so.
You see, when a non-tea drinker and a tea drinker come together it really is only a matter of time before the tea drinker tries to “convert” the heathens around the globe just like me. Over and over again I've had tea drinkers try to save my soul my offering me a cup for the mild warm beverage.
“Here, Tom, try a number of this black moon dark tea, you will really want it!”
“Gladys, this tastes like dirt…”
“Maybe you’d become more into this vanilla green tea extract?”
“Very natural tasting…again, like dirt.”
“Oh, well what about this mint marmalade tea?”
“Refreshing dirt…”
“Perhaps you could add some sweetener.”
“Dessert dirt..”
You will get the idea.
That alone, though, doesn’t bother me just as much as the few weaklings inside our office who think these are typically coffee drinkers, nevertheless they're really tea drinkers. Certainly one of my coworkers, Dorofei Mishin, is regarded as them.
Dorofei sometimes is available in before I do as soon as he does he usually makes the “coffee” such as for example it really is. I’ve watched him careful measure out four small spoonfuls of grounds for the filter and then fill the pot towards the brim with water before pouring it into the machine. Then, using all of his years of management experience and training, he leans against the wall and watches the whole pot brew right to the very last drop. Dorofei is a real inspiration for Teamsters everywhere.
The outcome is always a pot of brown-tinted liquid which, when you hold as much as the light, casts a soft golden glow all around you. Yes, it's very pretty, but that is the difficulty. If you're able to actually look out of the pot, then you definitely have not made coffee. You have made coffee-flavored tea which tastes the same as regular tea, except crappier.
I prefer real coffee. I like coffee so thick not only can you stick a fork into you could also take off a slice while making a sandwich with it later in the week. I like coffee so black that after carrying your cup in to the room the lights seem to dim. I prefer coffee so strong so it jumps from the pot and wrestles me to the floor, making me scream for mercy before it finally agrees to climb into my mug and I want to drink it.
This is why when I result in the coffee within our office, people know it. Productivity skyrockets, meetings which used to last two hours are over in four minutes, and everybody is playing around like Benny Hill skit where in actuality the ladies are playing around while a dirty old man chases them.
So there it is. I'm a coffee drinker stuck in a tea-drinking office, and that is okay. I'm not bitter… but my coffee is.
